Parenting Skills According to The Islamic Perspective Towards Family Well-Being

Parents are leaders of the family who should play the role of building family well-being. Family well-being very much depends on the way of nurturing or raising and managing the family. In order to build a prosperous or happy family, the first and foremost matter which needs to be emphasised is parenting knowledge. Neglecting this parenting aspect will result in parents’ failure to effectively manage the family toward well-being, even causing suffering to children and is associated with bad behaviour such as committing murder, physical or sexual abuse, and neglecting their education. Hence, this research is conducted to study parenting skills according to the Islamic perspective, by using content analysis method. Research findings based on the views of Muslim scholars conclude that in the Islamic perspective, the parenting skills which parents need to master to become excellent parents are parenting knowledge, maintaining their relationship with Allah SWT, relationship with their children and relationship with fellow human beings, encompassing spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and social aspects. The implications of this research can help parents know the basic parenting skills according to the Islamic perspective, to build a prosperous family. This research also contributes knowledge to the authorities responsible for managing family development so that knowledge, skills and programs relating to parenting can be disseminated and practised in Muslim family life.


Introduction
Parenting skills are essential in building a prosperous family. Excellent parents wisely apply parenting skills in the family. These skills are understood as parents' ability, efficiency and cleverness in doing something relating to their children. 1 The combined term, parenting skills, is used by psychologists to illustrate how parents educate their children through behaviour, discipline and methods of influencing children on how to socialize. 2 Lam & Muhammad (1991) stated that parenting skills are applied through parental support, control and involvement in all aspects of their children's lives including building personality some common universal values. 13 However, Harlina (2007) held the opinion that the authoritative style is nearer to the Islamic approach because it can positively affect children. 14 The strength of the authoritative style lies in its democratic twoway communication that cultivates the practice of shura (consultation) and mushawarah (mutual deliberation). This explains the need to further explore indepth parenting style in Islam so that it can benefit Muslim parents to build a prosperous family.

Statement of Problem
Parenting skills according to the Islamic perspective is an issue which requires focus in order to overcome the current issue of child abuse in Malaysia. Parents can resolve this issue if given proper guidance on the correct parenting methods and skills as Islam demands. Many child abuse cases within the family are associated with negative parental behaviour, such as murder of children. For example, in a case in Selangor, a father slashed his seven-year old daughter to death 15 and in another case in Yan, Kedah, a two-year old boy was killed by his own father. 16 Other than that, there are cases of child abuse by parents, such as of a four year child in Sarawak. 17 A similar case also occurred in Alor Gajah whereby a father abused his two children, aged eight and ten years old, in their home. 18 Besides that, there are fathers who fail to control their lust leading them to commit incest or sexually abuse their own children. 19 Further, there are also parents who neglect the education aspect of their children because they lack awareness of the importance of education for them. Some parents even prefer their teenage children to go to work instead of continuing schooling. Most students who drop out of education and obtain low achievements come from families who give little 13 Diana Baumrind, "Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior." Child Development 37 (4) Izzah Nur Aida, et.al. DOI: 10.22373/sjhk.v5i2.9576 http://jurnal.arraniry.ac.id/index.php/samarah support for their education or do not sufficiently monitor their children's progress. There is still a minority of parents who abandon their responsibility for educating and guiding their children solely to the school authorities. 20 Cases involving wicked parents who commit murder, physical and sexual abuse as well as neglect their children should not happen in a Muslim family. This problem has to be overcome immediately so that parents no longer behave badly towards their own children and begin to realize the importance of becoming good parents as protectors and motivators towards their success. Thus, it is crucial to focus on research about parenting skills in order to produce parents who are wiser in educating their children. This research can be the guide and reference for agencies and NGOs involved with family and parenting affairs to formulate policies, and family and parental development programs in Malaysia. Hence, this research is conducted to answer the questions of how are parenting skills according to the Islamic perspective.

Parenting Skills According To Islam
Islamic scholars have discussed parenting skills according to Islam and submitted various views, such as 'Ulwan (1988) in his book, Tarbiyah al-Awlad explained that parenting skills toward children should encompass the aspects of education on aqidah and iman, ibadah, akhlaq, social interaction (between individuals and between groups) and societal relations (as a community), the mind (common sense), physique, psychology, sex and health. 21 This was also explained in studies by Rabiahtul Adawiyah (2014), 22 Mohd Hamid & Khaulah (1994) 23 Ghazali (2000) 26 and Jamiah & Sidek (2016) 27 concluded giving attention to four main domains in parenting skills according to Islam, namely, knowledge, parents keeping relationship with Allah SWT, relationship with children, and between fellow humans. Given the very wide scope of parenting skills, this working paper discusses only the relationship between parents and their children because this part is exclusively about how parents play a role in shaping and guiding their children.
In keeping the relationship between parents and children, parents not only must provide food, drink and clothing for their children, but also give education, love and affection, be the role models and fulfill other rights of children. 28 Among other rights of children is to follow up on development of their mind and intelligence in stages, without harming them with the burden, and starting with matters appropriate to their mental strength. 29 Therefore, parents should possess at least basic knowledge on childcare, growth and education of children by studying the indicators of holistic human development such as submitted by al-Ghazali 2000; Mustafa Dakian 2009 and 'Ulwan 2015. Holistic human development encompasses spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and social aspects discussed as follows:

Spirituality
Parents need to give attention to the spiritual element in order to develop their child's positve behaviour. This is because good or bad behaviour of every human stems from the spiritual state in him. 30 Spiritual strength shapes a child who will prioritize appreciation of divinity and moral values in life, possess a strong and steadfast soul, continuously strive for the better, be able to think guided by religious principles, implement the concept of ihsan (excellence/perfection/beautification) in practice based on understanding of knowledge. 31  focused on three main approaches in Islam, namely, through education on aqidah, ibadah and akhlaq. 32 As explained in al-Quran, this was how Luqman educated his children, besides continuously preaching and guiding them.
The main core of aqidah and iman education that needs to be emphasized to children is to firmly hold on to belief in Allah SWT and not to associate partners (shirk) with Him. Aqidah education also encompasses the Pillars of Faith, Belief in Angels, the Holy Scriptures, the Apostles of God (Rasulullah), World of the Dead (Barzakh), Day of Resurrection (Qiyamah), Heaven, Hell and Belief in Divine Decree and Pre-destination (Qada' and Qadr). Appreciation of the Pillars of Faith enable building of excellent spiritual strength in children. For example, appreciation of Belief in the Day of Resurrection will encourage the child to compete in doing good deeds. 33 Further, parents need to teach children to love, read and appreciate al-Quran and Sunnah. They should endeavour to create an environment of love for al-Quran in the family through habitual reading and memorizing selected surahs in al-Quran with the children. 34 Further, they should nurture them to know and love the Prophet (pbuh) and his family members and companions. 35 Next, ibadah education will be an excellent influence on a child's soul to be always connected to Allah SWT. 36 Ibadah education stresses on appreciation of the Pillars of Islam, namely Declaration of Faith (shahadah), prayer (solat), fasting (sawm), paying charity tax (zakat) and pilgrimage (hajj) if one has the Izzah Nur Aida, et.al. DOI: 10.22373/sjhk.v5i2.9576 http://jurnal.arraniry.ac.id/index.php/samarah means to do so. 37 Children are also guided to perform obligatory prayers from the early age of 7 years, and by age 10, will be beaten, lightly without causing harm, for not praying, in order to teach them to obey and fear Allah SWT. At age 10 years, boys and girls are also segregated in separate sleeping quarters. 38 Parents are also encouraged to pray together in congregation with their children in the family. 39 Besides that, they should also be accustomed to speaking words praising Allah SWT such as Bismillah (In the name of Allah), Alhamdulillah (All Praise be to Allah), Subhanallah (Glory be to Allah), Allahu Akbar (Allah is the Greatest) and Mashaa-Allah (What Allah has willed). 40 Further, akhlaq education emphasizes Islamic manners such as being honest, keeping promises, being courageous, respectful to elders, helpful to the needy, compassionate toward the weak, patient, grateful, diligent, trust in Allah (tawakal), keeping in mind one's own death and being humble. Children are also taught to avoid bad behaviour such as being quarrelsome, traitorous (khianat), envious and proud and arrogant (takabbur). 41 Next, parents should preach to their children and guide them by inviting to do good deeds and preventing evil deeds. 42 Dakwah education through parents themselves setting a good example is among the most effective methods. Dakwah requires using the best technique and methods in al-Quran that prioritizes using the approach of wisdom (uslub hikmah), good advice and discussion. 43 Wise advice can be conveyed to children through story-telling, using metaphors and explanations, encouragement and warning (targhib and tarhib) at the appropriate Izzah Nur Aida, et.al. DOI: 10.22373/sjhk.v5i2.9576 http://jurnal.arraniry.ac.id/index.php/samarah time. 44 Other than that, parents are encouraged to cultivate the approach of discussion, consultation (shura) and mutual deliberation (mushawarah) with their children and controlling their behaviour through reprimand and punishment based on Islam. 45 Finally, children's education should be accompanied by sincere supplication by parents.

Emotional Aspect
Parenting skills using emotion and feelings are very important in the process of educating and developing adolescents. Emotion is understood as a state of feelings which constitutes an important element for continuity of life, whereby it is a source of both pleasure and sadness capable of influencing the development of children's morals. 46 In order to evoke positive and balanced emotions in adolescents, it is necessary to examine the elements for its formation in humans, namely through the element of al-Qalb (the heart). This is because improving the heart enables moving the emotion toward honour and an individual will become good as a whole. In contrast, a bad heart will lead to wickedness and selfdestruction. 47 The Prophet (pbuh) said: " Meaning: Within Adam's son is a lump of flesh, if it is good, then the whole body becomes good, but if it is bad, then the whole body becomes bad, that is the heart" (Narrated by al-Bukhari). Therefore, children's emotions and feelings need to be guided by their parents using psychological skills to develop them to beome high-minded and good-hearted 48 , to develop emotional intelligence (al-Qaradawi 2001) and skills for time management. 49 One of the psychological skills is to treat children with full (unconditional) love and affection, warmth and tenderness, 50 and always making time to do activities with them and other family members. 51 Other than that, parents need to be fair in giving love and affection to all their children, in the aspects of education, basic needs, food, acommodation, and so on. 52 Psychological skills are also applied through the methods of praising, showing frequent and sincere appreciation, reinforcing their positive behaviour, rewarding them for success in fulfilling required academic criteria and giving positive feedback when they comply with given instructions, rules and discipline. These methods serve to build positive emotions in children. 53 Further, parents need to listen to children's moans and complaints, questions and doubts, ambitions and hopes. 54 In this way, children will feel appreciated that their presence are felt by their parents. 55 In addition, parenting skills in the emotional aspect also requires emphasis on developing emotional intelligence of children. This is for the ability to recognize and understand one's own and others' feelings. 56 It is a process of increasing the ability to sense and understand one's own and others' feelings in the context of facing and managing stress as well as environmental demands, such as having or feeling empathy (for someone), love, motivation and ability to respond appropriately to sadness or joy. 57 Further, parents also need to be concerned about the aspect of spending quality time with their children so that they feel more loved and appreciated, and thus become more receptive to words of advice and instructions from parents, even though parents are out busy working to meet the economic demands of present living. Islam

Physical Aspect
One of the parenting skills required for children is to give focus on the physical aspect so that they know about the bodily functions that need protection, besides prioritizing safety, hygiene, health and fitness, positive self-image and skills in efforts to improve self confidence and self-efficacy. 63 Abdullah Ahmad Badawi (2006), a former Prime Minister of Malaysia in his official speech and message on the 48th National Day, stressed on the importance of the physical aspect as a significant element in the process of human capital development. In this regard, parenting skills through the physical aspect encompass skills of developing children's physique 64 and sex education. 65 Parenting skills to develop childrens' physical development need to prioritize hygiene, nutritious food and drink, proper clothing, adequate accommodation, health and fitness, positive self-image and skills. 66 Children should be trained to maintain body hygiene by regularly brushing teeth, bathe, clipping nails and removing unwanted body hair as well as cleansing the body, Izzah Nur Aida, et.al. DOI: 10.22373/sjhk.v5i2.9576 http://jurnal.arraniry.ac.id/index.php/samarah clothing and acommodation as well as public places from any dirt or filth. 67 Islam also encourages children to take care of health from and learn methods to avoid or prevent from diseases. 68 Energizing nutrition should be emphasized for children 69 guided by the food pyramid for a balanced diet selection. 70 Some types of food that can prevent diseases, provide nutrition and supplement vitamins for body strength and immunity can be given to children, such as foods recommended by Sunnah which include honey, black sesame ( habbatus sauda'), figs, olives, saffron and dates. 71 Other than that, parents need to guide on table etiquette, beginning with supplication, Bismillah (in the name of Allah) and ending with Alhamdulillah (All Praise be to Allah). Children should be trained to sleep regular bedtime hours to maintain health and fitness. Their leisure hours may be filled with sports activities such as swimming, archery and horse-riding in line with the Prophet's (pbuh) teachings. 72 Parenting skills for the aspect of physical development need to emphasize on sex education according to the Islamic perspective such as information, understanding and teaching matters relating to the anatomy of the male and female genders which lead to differences in physical structure and bodily functions. 73 This education needs to be applied from an early age until adulthood when they can understand the affairs of life so that they know matters which are permissible and forbidden based on Islamic morals as a guidance, and not to give in to lust and vain desires and drown in disobedience. 74 In this context, parents must teach adolescents good manners of lowering the gaze, and control the way they dress so as to be decently covered, appropriate to their gender to avoid identity confusion. Next, they should guide their children the times permitted and to Izzah Nur Aida, et.al. DOI: 10.22373/sjhk.v5i2.9576 http://jurnal.arraniry.ac.id/index.php/samarah request permission to enter the rooms of their parents or siblings. 75 Besides that, they should be taught about the concept of healthy sexual relations in religion, namely within marriage, and understanding about permissible and forbidden matters as well as the implications of (unnatural or illicit sex) sexual behaviour transgressing the basics of Islamic teachings. 76

Mind Aspect
Parenting skills applied to the mind aspect of adolescents are important to form the base for mind development of adolescents toward stimulating intelligence. A balanced development of the mind enables adolescents to optimise the potential of self-efficacy such as to think proactively, to reason, to analyse and to expand the scope of views. It is primarily achieved through knowledge as the main background in the process of developing a first class mind. 77 Hence, efforts to develop a adolecent's mind requires sufficient guidance so that its existing potential may be polished and improved. Parents, as the closest individuals to their adolescent, need to be equipped with appropriate guidance and knowledge so that their adolescent can get optimal parental support and education. 78 Therefore, parenting skills to develop children's minds may be divided into intellectual development skills 79 and financial management skills. 80 Intellectual development skills are applied to children so as to accustom them to seeking and learning both worldly (duniawi) and afterlife (ukhrawi) knowldege. 81 Knowledge and its levels occupy a very significant position in Islam such that it was applied very early on, since the first revelation to the Izzah Nur Aida, et.al. DOI: 10.22373/sjhk.v5i2.9576 http://jurnal.arraniry.ac.id/index.php/samarah Prophet (pbuh). 82 Parents are prohibited from teaching children in a hasty manner and burdening them with matters beyond their ability as this would demotivate them from learning, make them lazy and hate what is taught, cheat and pretend. 83 Parents need to impart religious knowlegde and history of the golden age of Islam, current issues and threats to thoughts. 84 Other than that, parents should identify the talent and potential in their children besides instilling interest to study diligently, using motivational words, encouragement and stimulation for them to better understand the purpose of learning so that they will take their lessons seriously. 85 Parents may also involve themselves directly in learning activities such as meeting up with teachers, helping with homework and monitoring their children's academic performance. 86 Financial management skill is also another important aspect of developing children's minds. In this aspect, parents need to explain to children that it is essential to manage finance in a planned manner so that there is sufficient provision for their education. 87 Parents may also stimulate their mind development by explaining that parents are responsible for seeking halaI sustenance and providing maintenance for family members. 88 In this context, children's minds may be stimulated by inviting them to think about how parents have to be patient and sincere working and earning a livelihood for their children, including not complaining when they feel tired because they believe that it is Allah SWT who provides sustenance for His slaves. 89 In financial management, Izzah Nur Aida, et.al. DOI: 10.22373/sjhk.v5i2.9576 http://jurnal.arraniry.ac.id/index.php/samarah social education skill, parents need to identify the way their children make friends so that they choose friends who are good, trustworthy and insightful, with the advantage of matured understanding of religious knowledge as well as comprehensive understanding of Islamic culture. 97 In addition, one of the noticeably significant parenting skills in this modern age is the skill and knowledge of information technology and social media. In contemporary media, it is recognized that media is differed by old and new media. New media refers to the means of technology using internet. Hence, the old or traditional media refers to all institution that widely use without internet such as television, radio and newspaper. 98 Social activity among adolescents happens not only outside the home but also in the virtual world using information technology and social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, Twitter and others. 99 Social media has become an open space for debating, opposing or rejecting various notions, contesting, ideas and thoughts. 100 It is the best alternative suitable for use in the process of educating children in their time because they need to be trained to evaluate the information they read or hear. Other than that, parents need to play a role in controlling the amount of time children spend surfing the internet, besides monitoring internet usage, particularly social media, and ethical use of ICT. 101 Parents need to emphasize on the aspect of communication skills because it positively affects children's development, particularly effective interaction and etiquette of communication with others. In communication between parents and children, parents should not hurt children's feelings, but should instead speak lovingly. 102 This is to build a high level of trust from a good relationship and twoway communication between parents and the child. Communication which uses gentle language in the family can influence shaping the child's soul to be principled or upright. 103 Parents are encouraged to follow guidance and tips on

Conclusion
This discussion clearly shows that parenting skills need to be mastered by parents in order to produce good children who will become the pillars for family happiness and well-being. To be excellent parents, the skills to be mastered are knowledge, keeping relationship with Allah SWT, with children and with fellow humans. Parenting skills in relationship with children need to emphasize children's development in spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical and social aspects. The spiritual aspect requires focusing on aqidah, ibadah and akhlaq education as well as preaching and guidance to children. Emotionally, children need to be guided by parents by using psychological skills, emotional intelligence development and time management skills. Parenting skills in the physical aspect encompass skills of physical development and sex education. Besides that, parenting skills to develop children's minds may be divided into skills of intellectual development and financial management. The social aspect is empowered through social education skills, technology and social media skills as well as communication skills.
It is hoped that research results can help parents to strengthen their knowledge of parenting skills in giving education to children and at the same time update their own knowledge and skills to become better parents according to Islam.. Knowledge of parenting skills put into practice in the family can guide the family towards well-being when parents and all family members, each and everyone function to fulfill responsibilities. This research also contributes knowledge to parties responsible for management of parenting, youth and family affairs, such as Ministry for Development of Women, Family and Society (KPWKM), Ministry of Youth and Sports (KBS), National Board for Population and Family Development (LPPKN), Ministry of Social Welfare (JKM), Department of Islamic Development of Malaysia (JAKIM) and relevant NGOs to apply the research results through programs on parental self-development toward family well-being.